Minimizing Distractions

I found the perfect spot for my favorite piece of art. But, there is this horrible phone jack that would distract from the beauty of the piece. Who still has phone jacks on the wall? No one! They are ugly and utilitarian. I simply can not put my prized artwork next to such an ugly distraction.

The right way to do this is to replace the entire 50 year old wood panel with a new custom cut and stained floor to ceiling panel. That's not going to happen. To be honest, I'm not even sure if it's possible. And it would absolutely be out of my budget and time constraints. I want to hang my art now!

My solution is a dirty cheap fix, but workable. 

First things first,  get rid of plastic plate on the wall. Cap off the wires and stuff them in the box. 

Then I took some contact paper that has an old plank pattern and cut to size. I used a wood stain paint pen to darken it down to my desired tone.

And applied it to the wall. It's not a perfect fix, but it's still less distracting than the plastic plate. And there is no competition for the Renoir etching on the wall. 

Back in the Closet

First lesson every renovator learns is that one things always leads to another. 

The middle bedroom closet had a mildewy smell. Every time I opened the door, I was hit with draft of old wet woody smell.  I know It's normal for older homes to have mystery scents hiding in pockets. But, my clothes don't need wood sweat mingling with old lady sweat. And, based on the smell, I am fairly certain this closet is a portal to another world. 

I found the smell seeping in from behind the wall backing the shower. Luckily the plumbing access was easy to reach and inspect. It was dry as a bone. But, the handyman I had inspect it suggested I seal up the gaps in the access boards with clear silicone. That should help eliminate some of the smell. I went a couple of steps further. I painted the boards, sealed with silicone, and then covered with a wood panel contact paper. I also added an area rug on the floor to prevent palmetto bugs and other monsters from squeezing in from the crawlspace under the house. 

But, while I was dodging spirits in my closet, I figured a good paint job with a Kills base would also help to eliminate any odor clinging to the walls. And if I was gonna paint, I might as well replace the closet rods that were basically useless. 

I am quite certain giants and trolls lived together in the middle bedroom before I purchased the house. One closet rod was hung about 8 inches from the ceiling and the other only about 4 feet from the floor. 

I ordered a precut custom sized closet rod from Amazon. The shelf brackets they sent with it were useless. And they didn't send any screws. Which is fine because with the paster walls, normal drywall screws with anchors weren't going to work anyway.

I had to use toggle bolts to carry the kind of weight my closet rod would be carrying on plaster walls with no studs. And for that I needed a special toggle drill bit. 

Don't ask me how it went. It was ugly. I'll just say the skeletons behind the walls have about a dozen toggles to wear as jewelry. I can hear them jingling at night.

Also, my foundation isn't level. Yeah, that's it. That's why everything is leaning to the left. 

Regardless, the closet has been filled with clothes for a couple of weeks and nothing has collapsed-Yet. And my skeletons are well adorned. 

Finding Studs

(And other mythical creatures)

As every woman over the age of 40 knows, studs are impossible to find. Especially behind plaster/lathe walls.  Even the most advanced stud finders from the big box stores or Match.com will be at a loss.

I discovered a little trick that sometimes works. It's not full proof, but it's a good start. 

Take a magnet and hang it on a string. Run the magnet along the wall. The magnet will be attracted to the nails in the studs and cling to the wall. Sometimes it can get confused if there is metal mesh in the wall. It's not a perfect system, but it's still better than bleeding knuckles from knocking on a plaster wall for an hour. 

Also, paint-and-primer-in-one will not cover walls evenly despite what the almighty tv claims. It will take at least two coats to cover evenly. 

Measure twice, cut once, Measure again

My Queen closet is long and deep and lined with cedar. Beautiful. But, when I took ownership of the closet, the top side shelves were missing. But what a wonderful place to display all of my shoes and boots in one place. 

The braces were still there, but the shelves had disappeared. This shouldn't be a difficult task. It's just a matter of picking up some wood at Lowe's right? HA!!

I measured twice, and then twice again. I needed 3 pieces of 1x5x36. I went to Lowes. I find the perfect size, I just need to get it cut into three pieces for the shelf. For some reason, the wood cutting staff never has tape measures on them and have to go in search of them. TIP: Always carry your own tape measure into Lowe's with you. Twenty minutes later, a young man returns with a tape measure and cuts the wood. In the meantime, I pick up some wood stain so the shelves will match. Heading home, I'm feeling really proud of myself for getting everything I need to complete my project. 

Before I stain, I try to dry fit the shelves. They are too long. I didn't take into account that walls in older homes are not flush, plumb, or level in any way. I'm too long by about an 1/16 of an inch in a couple of bumps in the wall. I try to hammer them down, but the cedar plank wall isn't giving even a little bit. I think I just need to file the parts of the shelf that are a tiny bit long.

Back to Lowe's for a wood file. Which is really hard to find and none of employees seem to know what I'm talking about. "It's like a metal emory board", I say. The 65 year old male employee looks at me like I am a crazy woman that wondered in off the street. I don't deny his assumption. 

Finally, I find what I am looking for and head home to file the wood. Measure twice, cut once, measure again, file wood. I file and test, file and test, file and test. This is getting me nowhere. I think maybe sanding the sides will work better. So, I head out to my shed, break out the power sander and really start making some dust before my last sheet of sandpaper rips in half. SERIOUSLY! 

So back to Lowe's I go. I pick up the sandpaper and head to the cashier. It's the same damn 65 year old man that was helping me find the metal emory board. By now, he's feeling a sympathetic to my cause. Three trips to Lowes in one day for A SHELF. He gives me a nervous grin with a "good luck" and I'm back on my way.

So now we are up to measure twice, cut once, measure again, file, measure, file, measure, sand,  measure, sand, measure, get the hammer and bang the bastard in place. By the time I got all 3 pieces in place I was too frustrated to take them back out to stain. And I was terrified they would expand with stain and I would have to go through the process all over again. There is really only so much frustration I can take. I have a limit. 

But I din't want to see the bare wood right above the beautifully stained shelves so I decide to stain in place. Which should be easy enough. I push all my clothes to the side and toss all the shoes into the far corner. Stir the stain and begin painting it on. Easy Peasy.

This is going so well, I think I might as well stain the other shelves too. ( I can hear you screaming NOOOOOOOOO through the computer)

Well needless to say, since I skipped the necessary step of sanding the other shelves, the stain did not want to penetrate the wood. It just sat on top. And now none of the shelves match in color. 

I just shrug my shoulders and figure that's the best I can do. I go to clean up my brush in the sink and realize that I have just used oil based stain instead of water base. TIP: ALWAYS READ THE LABELS. What's wrong with oil based stain? It never goes away. I had to throw away my paint brush because I don't have the cleaning solvents to dissolve an oil based stain. It also takes forever to dry. It was only a couple of days drying time on the raw wood. But, the shelves that I didn't sand before adding new stain to old stain will probably never dry. Two weeks later and they are still tacky. Much like my shoes.

Update: Shelves are finally dry enough to put shoes on, added a couple of lights and presto-Shoe Shelves!

Function and Form

My costume jewelry collection has grown beyond my capacity to contain it. A single jewelry box just wasn't cutting it. Single earrings were escaping into unknown dimensions. Chains were knotting up like Shibari school drop-outs. And I'm pretty sure an invisible gollum was snatching my rings.

So I repurposed an antique china cabinet to keep everything in one spot. I used clear stick on hooks along the top and back of the cabinet to hang my necklaces. I added battery operated stick on lights that have motion sensors on them. When I open the cabinet door, the lights come on automatically. So Cool! This could easily be further customized by ordering Jewelry display options. But, for now, this works great. 

Bits and Pieces

I suck at drilling. So hanging curtains is an absolute nightmare for me. I've left my fair share of pieces of broken bits in the walls and wood trim. If there was ever a magnetic storm, every house I have ever lived in would be an executioner's weapon. Sometimes a bit will get stuck in the wall as I try to pull it out with the drill in reverse. I have no idea why this happens. Usually I can reattach the drill and tighten up the key. But sometimes the only answer is to get another bit and try to drill it out. Usually with the help of a pair of pliers to pull as I create larger and larger holes. Never a good resolution. Especially if you are precariously balanced on a 6 ft aluminum ladder. 

My go-to technique at this point is to start a pilot hole with a really small bit, then drill again with a medium bit, then drill again with a larger medium bit. And finally use a hand screwdriver to drive in the screw. 

And don't even get me started on trying to use the drill to screw in an aluminum screw. I can strip a head faster than a Vegas showgirl. I tend to use the old fashioned analog hand-held screwdriver. I place the top of the screwdriver against the palm of my hand to hold it in place and use my other hand to rotate the screwdriver. This method keeps the screw driver from slipping off the head and stripping it. And as a bonus, I only have to curse the gods a half dozen times instead of issuing a steady stream of profanity. 

But finally, after only 3 days of sweaty swears, 3 broken drill bits, 5 ruined screws, and multiple battery recharges, I was able to get sheers hung on all 7 of my bedroom windows!

Lessons learned: Don't let puppies play around the ladder when your standing on the top step in flip flops. 

ESTIMATES PLEASE!

ESTIMATES PLEASE!

Trying to get numbers out of a contractor is like trying to get blood out of stone. I've had about a half dozen contractors to my house for repairs and renovation. Only one has given me an estimate.

I guess they are all filthy rich and don't need the work. Meanwhile, my laundry room is pushing AC into the attic and my flex room is stuck being a 500 sq. foot closet.